Saturday, October 18, 2014

What does God say about me ?

Insecurity. That word, we all cringe over & about a thousand things start whizzing through our minds before someone even finishes the word. From physical flaws to personality issues. To words your loved ones said that completely crushed your heart to being rejected by a guy you thought was the sweetest guy on Earth. They stem from every direction. They intertwine, unfold, disappear, then come blazing in from another direction. The other night at our Impact ( my youth group ) Big Nite, we had a "panel" of very qualified, insightful adults & even some pretty incredible, gifted teenagers answer questions that students had submitted a few weeks ago. I always love this kinda service because it shows how the word is alive as it transforms through perspectives & situations. It also gives a look into the struggles of these teenagers. This Wednesday there was a theme I noticed.. it was insecurity. I know everyone has it, so I just sorta overlook it. I mean again, what can I do to fix it, it is just a part of life.. but see once more, boy was I wrong. So I take you to this picture above that you're probably wondering if I just wanted to show you for the fun of it.. but, it is a bit more than that. In this picture above, you probably noticed the beautiful background & my surroundings. Maybe you noticed my dress or my hair. Or teared up a little because it's my senior pictures which means graduation is getting immensely close. ( it seems unreal, you have permission to cry  ) .. Chances are you didn't notice the insecurity I felt in this moment. You can't see my struggle of feeling too large. You can't see my desperate plead of wishing my arms were a thousand times smaller. You can't see my glands flaring up because I am thinking about the acne that I just know is invading this photo. You can't see my hives I am almost positive I had because of the feeling of just not being good enough. You can't see my heart breaking from hurt & rejection I have felt & am feeling. Or the guilt I feel of my past. Or the worry that floods through my every thought. You just see a picture of a girl..  Now, lets be clear.. This is one of my favorite senior pictures ( done by the insanely gifted Missy Frank , Inframed Photography). So now, you think, ' Kalyn, you just said like six negative things about yourself that this picture brought up, but you say you love it?' yes, I may just be crazy .. but you'll hopefully understand after this blog is wrapped up... Back to the question at hand during Big nite.. it was " What does God say about insecurities?"
hmm so good question.. in my head, I was like well hello, he doesn't want us to be insecure but I am & that is just life & how it is going to be. ( I am a stubborn person my dear friends, not exactly in my favor typically) Well the answerer said the word.. Validation. Validation? What do you mean? I am validated.. . Now, you think " girl.. I am a teen, I am not barely validated to drive much less anything else".. but that's where yourself & I am so so wrong. We are validated as a daughter. That statement just.. feels my heart with such comfort. When I think of a daughter.. my mind automatically sees a daddy looking at his babygirl with such love & awe because my brain just does that. Some of you don't have that in a dad active in their lives & some have active dads ( or mom), just they fall short of this picture. The beautiful thing about Christ & what I have been really learning through the past few months is that picture in my head of a father with that look of absolute adoration for his daughter.. is my Father in heaven looking down on his daughter in which he loved so much he sent his son for.. that daughter is me. it is you. The past few days ( & few months.. this topic keeps occurring repeatedly in my life.. I think Jesus is trying to paint me a picture) I have really been looking at this picture. It is a beautiful picture, everyone I have shown has fallen in love with the simplicity of it. I have looked at this picture so many times, along with pictures for years thinking  about all the negative I can find. But, as one of the wise teens on the panel said.. ( I am paraphrasing bigtime) " I may not have confidence in myself all the time, but I do have confidence in who I am in Christ.. & that is a daughter" So perfect. Because the truth is my weight didn't go down.. my acne is still on my face, & my hurt is still an everyday thing.. but with my savior Jesus, he covers with love. When I see this picture, I feel confident now. Confident that I am the daughter of a king who is bigger then the comment in 6th grade bashing my arms. I am the daughter of a king who is greater then the rejection I feel of being alone. I am the daughter of a king who is mightier then any flaw the devil tries to use to bring me down to less then who my Father says I am. When I look in the mirror, I say straight back to the devil when I nit pick over my image , that I am fearfully & wonderfully made by my God who overcomes all. Nothing in all creation can separate the solidity & everlasting love my prince of peace has for me. Have a pep talk with yourself, declaring the Lord's love & promises over your beautiful soul. You are more than gorgeous in the eyes of the Lord of Lords. Take this world's judgement, & give me Jesus.

1 comment:

  1. Absolutely beautiful Kalyn. I am literally sitting here in tears. I am almost 40 and struggle so much EVERY SINGLE DAY with this very thing and have my entire life. God is using you to reach so many different people. I pray His word continues to reach the broken through your writing. Keep following Him and being an open vessel for Him to reach others. <3 Changing the world one life at a time......