Friday, October 10, 2014

surrounded in the hurricane, taken by the waves

Close your eyes. forget where you are. Now picture a hurricane, but you're in the middle of the water. The ocean is swirling, the sound of the crashing as the waves meet accompanies the lighting striking down around you. Wind is howling through your hair. The sky is a dark mix of black & gray seeming to trap you in the storm, blocking you from what's ahead in the distance .The waves are closing in around you. every chance that you get a quick breath of salty air, another wave comes to knock you over again.  It drags you under, twists you & turns you under the water. You don't understand where you are, or how you got here. These waves used to be so beautiful, a few hours ago you were dipping your toes in to relax in the amazing creation of this vast ocean. The sky was sunny & blue as far as you could see. You were above the waves, staring out into the distance. Unmistakeningly giving praise to our mighty creator for his amazing painting. Now you are drowning.. you are wondering if you should fight to get above the waves to knowledge that you will get knocked under yet again or just simply let the wave take you on into the depths? This is where this blog began. This is where my strong walk began.. When I faced the difficulty of the storm. Many of you know what I am saying when I tell you my faith has been shaken like an earthquake throughout the last year & a half. I lost my grip on my purpose & honestly just the point of life. The troubles, worries, hurts & doubts just kept adding to one another. I didn't understand why God wasn't stepping in to save me. One day I was just crashing down, & my sweet leader was just listening to me cry in a mess of jumbled feelings & I was trying to explain to her how I felt.. the description I opened up with was what I said to her. That the waves were knocking me over, over & over everyday. I had been knocked over so many times. too many times .I felt as if I couldn't breathe anymore. I felt like just suffocating because the hurricane was taking me under with it. I often thought that it would be easier to choose option B then to continue with the fight leading me through the pain & confusion I felt. I questioned living at times, this was one of my darkest times . I remember it so vividly. The feeling of giving up. The feeling of I just cant take this hurt. This storm was too big for me to handle, & for some reason God wasn't stepping in. I felt that God had decided to just leave it on me because that was how I felt with this world. I didn't want to bother anyone because I know everyone has their problems & they don't need mine to add to it. I didn't wanna look weak because I knew I needed to be strong, but the thing is that I am not strong enough for my storm. That is the absolute truth. But good news is that through my times of worship, reading, & writing my praises I have fully realized that I am not alone, it is not just me. God knows me. He loves me. He knows my worries & troubles. He is God. Soon after this state of giving up, I read a scripture that speaks so perfectly to my heart.
 "He calmed the storm to a whisper and stilled the waves." psalm 107:29
This verse, just ahh I can not even explain to you the comfort it brings to me. He calmed my storm to a whisper. To a faintness. Yes, my storm may be there. It may hurt sometimes, but it is but a whisper. He speaks over my storm, over the waves. They are hushed. It is my favorite scripture in the Word that I have come across. It is in my bios, I have it written on my journals, written on mirrors, on notecards. It is my senior quote. I mean the spirit is wrapped up in this verse to me. The word is so alive , it speaks so differently to every situation. On Sunday, my Pastor talked about storms which was just the reminder I needed as I face more unpredictable storms. In Mark 4, Jesus calms yet another storm. I love this passage as Jesus shows his great power in such simplicity.
35As evening came, Jesus said to his disciples, “Let’s cross to the other side of the lake.” 36So they took Jesus in the boat and started out, leaving the crowds behind (although other boats followed). 37But soon a fierce storm came up. High waves were breaking into the boat, and it began to fill with water.
38Jesus was sleeping at the back of the boat with his head on a cushion. The disciples woke him up, shouting, “Teacher, don’t you care that we’re going to drown?”
39When Jesus woke up, he rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Silence! Be still!” Suddenly the wind stopped, and there was a great calm. 40Then he asked them, “Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?”
41The disciples were absolutely terrified. “Who is this man?” they asked each other. “Even the wind and waves obey him!”
 I ponder over Jesus' question , " DO YOU STILL HAVE NO FAITH?"  Kalyn, do you really have so little faith even after the many blessings I have given you & showed to you ? Waoh,, conviction right on the nose. Faith is believing in what you can't see. I can't see the end of the storm, but we need to have faith that he is at the end. It is like a dark tunnel through a mountain where you can see nothing , you don't see the light until you get to the end. Then you emerge into the beautiful creation & his light he so very much wants to give to you. The inevitable is that we live in a world of sin, we will have trouble. We without a doubt will have storms, but how will we handle the storm. will we let it drown us or will we call out to him to be with us to be a light to our path ? The song , " Oceans" , by Hillsong United just speaks this.
And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours, and You are mine
Keep your eyes above the waves, the oceans will rise but our father in heaven sees the rainbow ahead. He uses storms, these faith testing hurricanes, to draw us closer to him. I am crazy bout some analogies & I often use this one when I feel like the tide is taking me under.
"The righteous shall flourish like the palm tree"
Pslams 92:12
 Palm trees make my heart happy, when I saw a palm tree I automactically was like oh my goodness how beautiful, now I am awe stricken by these masterpieces. God puts me in a sense of absolute speaklessness when he uses the most simple everyday things to show us his heart & purpose. His purpose is not to let me drown under the waves, he wants me to build up my strength & faith to be stronger.
 I learned this through our Pastor, flourishing like a palm tree. Palm trees are strategically placed in areas of strong potential of hurricanes, such as Florida. These trees are deep rooted in the ground , so they do not snap, they bend in the storm. Bending in the storm, can be seen as kneeling to God for his guidance through the wind & the rain. After these massive storms, typically these palm tree roots are stronger then ever because of their need to become deeper rooted. Being rooted in Jesus is what allows us the hope of getting up above these treacherous waves that seem to be against us. He is the light in the stomy skys that darken our sight. Lean in to Jesus, he will be with you through it all. Not for a second will he forsake you.

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