Sunday, July 13, 2014

All the Poor & Powerless

Now before you read this, I would like for you to listen to this song.

I am assuming that you just listened to this amazing song that brought me to tears a few weeks ago. This song that I feel like completely describes how I feel a majority of the time. Poor & Powerless. Like I am just stuck in a situation I cannot contain or help which leaves me feeling discouraged & useless. This feeling of being washed up by my past or current circumstance. Powerless to the point of not even wanting to try anymore. Just literally do not think I can continue. The feeling like running up a ridiculous mountain while being out of shape. You feel like your legs are going to give out. Your heart starts beating out of your chest, you just do not think you are going to make it to the top.

All the poor and powerless
And all the lost and lonely

I know so many people, very close people, that feel so lonely. Loneliness is a bitter feeling. Trapping your hurts & insecurities in your head with nowhere to put them. It gets a bit crowded in there, doesn't it? I know it did for me, I turned to just sleeping unbelievably much. Just so I could catch a break. Lost. Not knowing what to do or what to even say to try & make it. Not having a plan will drive me into a frenzy because being lost is like walking through the dark. You run into things & imagine things that really aren't there. You lose sight in a dark room causing you to feel powerless against the dark. I feel this is me in so many aspects of my life. I let things control me to where I feel so powerless against the darkness that washes over me.

All the hearts who are content
And all who feel unworthy
All who hurt will nothing left

Some hearts are content. What a beautiful thing a happy heart is. I am constantly saying " that makes my heart happy." I say this because I crave that feeling of a content joyful heart. It makes me feel lighter & brighter. Thank God for content hearts. Then there are these people who feel unworthy. These people who let their mistakes, failures, & past define them. It is a self doubt the enemy loves to throw over our heads. It eats you up every single time you try to move on. And there is hurt, hurt where you feel so empty. Hurt where you go home & shut down. Hurt where you are nothing but a body.  Now you ask, Kalyn ,this song is sad, why are you so crazy about this song? Like it is just saying how miserable it is to do life. This where our Jesus comes in.

Shout it, go on and scream it from the mountains
Go on and tell it to the masses
That He is God
These 22 words give me chills up my arms. They bring tears to my eyes. They make my heart so happy. Why? Because that is where my freedom lays. When we were in the Daytona & the Big Stuf band played this song that I had never heard of, it spoke loud. Everything I kept bottled up & everything that I felt was tearing me down, I told it to the mountain. I told the mountains in front of me that I don't have to be my hurt because HE IS GOD. I told my mountains that I am not poor but rich in Jesus' great love because HE IS GOD. I told my mountains that I am not lonely because of circumstances because HE IS GOD. I told my mountains that I am worthy in my renewal with Jesus Christ because HE IS GOD. I told them that I am powerful in my Savior because my God is holy.
All will sing out, Hallelujah
We will cry out, Hallelujah
WE. we the poor. we the powerless. we the lost. we the lonely. we the content. we the unworthy. we the broken. WE will know that he is holy. He changes us because he is God. This is why this beautiful song of breakthrough was burning in my heart today. Because when I feel let down or alone, I have my Jesus who covers all circumstance because he is God. This song shouts freedom from our insecurities & doubts & situations. Realizing that in Christ the mountains of life have no authority to block us from God's will, which is not to watch you sit & suffer, but to run to him because he is your God & lover in all things.

Thursday, July 10, 2014

You have searched me & you know me

1 O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. 2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. 3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. 4 Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. 5 You hem me in--behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.    ( Psalm 139:1-6)

These verses just speaks to me. It makes me so giddy inside. Kind of like when you are at the mall & some cute guy makes an effort to make eye contact & being a teenage girl, your heart just about sinks down to your feet. That is what we crave, to be pursued. We love someone to want to know our weird hobbies & somebody to share secrets with. As humans, we just love to be desired. That is why we jump on any opportunity to be shown to someone & why we want so badly to be in a relationship. I want Closeness. Chances are, if you are human, you want closeness too. The good news is that we are pursued by a God so much better than a boy at the mall. He wants us so badly. Our Jesus searches us. He never says " I am too busy to deal with your mistakes right now." I refrain from telling people my heart a lot of times because I hate the phrase , " In a minute." It gives me this feeling that my problems, though typically silly teenage issues, aren't important to them. But to God, they so are & he listens the second I cry out because he already knew my heart. He cares so much about me & so so much about you. He longs for us to tell him about our day before we go to sleep. God is so observant. God is so loving. God is so caring. Right now God is pondering through my millions of thoughts zooming through my head. Thoughts of the past, present, & future. It is crazy to think that someone so good & so power, I mean the King of Kings & Prince of Peace is willing to let me pour my heart out to him. That just amazes me in so many ways. I read this quote from one of my favorite authors that really explains the last verse to me.
People want to understand why God cares to know our thoughts. Why a God so powerful would mess around with listening to a long lists of praise, hurts, or just simply a conversation. I don't know the answer, I don't know why he loves me so much when I constantly fail, but I know he does. I know he is real & I know his word is true. He is better than our minds could ever imagine. 

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

What limits us to not letting Jesus work through us ?

Miracles. We all know of the great miracles in the bible. I googled "miracles in the bible" & up popped a list of 123 miracles preformed in the bible, & it was only a partial list. It seems that it is just overflowing with these great miracles. Jesus walked around literally giving out miracles of healing & restoration to these suffering people. He never let something be too big for his power because it simply wasn't. When we come to know Christ, we recognize that Jesus died for a reason. He died for our sins, but also we received the gift of his spirit being in us.
"I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the Life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith of the Son of God, Who loved me and gave Himself for me." ( Galatians 2:20) What would happen if we did our works not of ourselves, but of him? At my grandparents church, this has been the topic the past few services. That God can do miracles today. That Jesus literally lives in us. We are to be the hands & feet of this amazing God who is not dead. He is alive right this second in me & in you. Tonight we watched this movie/documentary called " Fingers of God." It was so good. I fully recommend it to anyone who is interested in seeing our God do miracles today. My favorite part of this program was the section of young college students being on fire for Jesus. Now, when I say on fire I mean these young people were raising a blaze for Jesus. These students meet every Friday & pray together about what/how/who/when  God wants to work through them & a partner for that night. They then write down what they believe God to be telling them, compare, & they set out. These kids are brave & they are so trusting of God's faithfulness. They go to these places & seek out the person they believe God is telling them to speak to. Then they actually pray for these people. These students have become a vessel of Jesus. They see healing, bondage being broke, restoration, salvation, & literal miracles all the time. They are invested in the truth of God's spirit living in us. They allow God's power to affect lives & be an impact on this world of his children. It was absolutely inspiring. How amazing would it be if you & I could heal people through the power of Jesus Christ? I have thought this many times. The thing is that it isn't an "if" question. There is no doubt whatsoever that Jesus craves to be moved in this world through his children trusting & walking out in faith. So many of us are scared to look "stupid" or "weird." The thing that I am learning is that it isn't about me, it is about his, The Great I Am's, will being done. Just have to say yes, God. Send me. Let his kingdom come.

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

All around us

Honor and majesty are [found] in His presence; strength and joy are [found] in His sanctuary. ~ 1 Chronicles 16: 27(AMP) 

Presence. The definition of presence is "existence in place: the physical existence or detectability of something in a place at a particular time." I used to hear pastors speak on stage before a message with the prayer of , " let your great presence fill this room." As a young believer I was like, uhmmm God is in heaven. I actually remember looking around like Jesus was just gonna walk in the through the back doors through the pews & just sit with us. Yeah, no, I was wrong. I didn't learn about this amazing blessing we are given of his presence until about two years ago. I learned that it is the holy spirit we were so graciously given as Jesus died on the cross for us. That God is the holy spirit that lives in us & all around us. Well, I was still kinda new at the opening up to God & truly diving in so it was awhile until I really decided I wanted to try this out. So one day, the youth band was playing the song " With Everything." Everyone around me had just got back from this conference, Motion. These kids, my friends, were on fire. Like I mean you felt it when you walked in that sanctuary. God had touched them. I am a very observational person, so I watched. I watched how they forgot this world, and they seemed to disappear into what seemed to be another part of this world that I was DYING to see. So I prayed this prayer, " Lord, I wanna feel what they feel. I believe in you & your word, but I want more." & God sure did answer my prayer. I raised my hands, closed my eyes, & just sang , " with everything, with everything we will shout out your name. " Tears immediately fell from my eyes & chill bumps raised up out of nowhere. It wasn't cause it was cold, because it was summer crammed with students in a rather small space, it was the presence of God that touched me. I felt safe. I felt this love wash over me as I praised him. This is a memory that I will never forget because it was the day I truly began my journey.  Yes, I had already said the prayer to make him Lord. But, that day I began my intimate romance with my Savior. I am so thankful I began this walk. It was the best decision I ever made. It is amazing how God prepares you so abundantly before the storm. Two years ago I didn't know where I would be. If somebody would have told me the relationships, the struggles, the loses, the gains, the good times, and the bad, I wouldn't have believed them. The thing is that God knew. He knew that my life would be shaken. He knew that I would cry & yell. He knew I would be attacked in ways that I didn't even think possible, but he had showed me himself. Countless nights I laid in my floor uncontrollably crying just talking to God because he is my bestfriend. He is what I held on to when I felt this huge blackhole of mourning, sorrow, & confusion was going to drag me into this neverending hole of darkness. A girl at camp asked me our small group about presence. OH how I loved telling her that God is already here. He is right here. He is with her. He is with me. He is with you right now. He is just patiently waiting for you to make that decision to come into his presence. Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence?
Psalm 139: 7 He is a call away. Jesus died to have an intimate & real relationship with us. He loves us. The song " oh how he loves us" is so true. It is why I break down in tears & feel this peace in my soul. Because God is better than this world. He is bigger than the hurt. He is greater than the depression. And He said, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” ~ Exodus 33: 14 He is the calms the storm. He wraps us in his loving arms. He openly shows us love & favor because we are his children.

A few months ago we had a speaker at my youth service. It was about relationships, I know you should have heard the complains because no teenager wants to be told that they are too young to be in a serious relationship. Trust me, I am guilty. The guys & girls were split in separate rooms. And we all got prepared to be told the same thing again.. I thank God quite often for that speaker many days. She doesn't know it but she opened a door that day. I so often, like many other girls, love to fill up my empty spaces with compliments & boys that really probably don't care all that much about me. That message was about letting God be first. About this romantic relationship with Jesus. I never looked at it like a romance until that day. At the end, she did the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I wish I had it on video to play for all of you. She put on the song " Dance with me" by Hillsong. Which came on my Pandora during my facebook scroll & brought me to tears yet again. What she did was dance with Jesus. Literally. She turned it way up & fully forgot us. She wrapped her arm around his neck, took his hand & danced. It was so perfect. That night I went home, locked the door, & did the same thing. It was probably the most intimate thing I have ever done. I may have looked crazy, but I was having a deep conversation with my Savior as I let him lead me. I find myself doing this dance when I feel alone or unloved. His presence never fails you. Surrounding yourself in his love & grace makes life so much easier. You have someone holding you up. You constantly have a bestfriend to tell your hurts & celebrations with. Like Pastor Rob Stribling said, " he wants to be part of your celebrations." God doesn't just want you when you are on your knees because you are so broken, but when you are praising him for his miracles & joyful for his favor on your life. You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore. Psalm 16: 11 Put yourself in a constant flow of his presence. The devotional , Jesus Calling, is always teaching about keeping open communication. Listening to him & talking to him all day. Giving thanks always for everything. Diving into his unfailing love & mercy.
The earth shook; the heavens also dropped rain at the presence of God; Sinai itself was moved at the presence of God, the God of Israel. ~ Psalm 68: 8