Throne of Grace

In my #shereadstruth devotional this morning, we are studying the book of Hebrews, which opens us up to who Jesus was & still is. We all typically know the "basics" which is that Jesus was here, didn't sin, & was crucified for our sins so we now we can have an intimate relationship with him, but who is this Jesus? What is this intimate relationship he craves to have with us?   " Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. "( Hebrews 4:16) Throne of grace, this name for Jesus makes me have hope & see Jesus as such a safe, comforting place to be. Somewhere & someone I want to draw near to..  Jesus extends grace to us, he knows us fully. " For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin." ( Hebrews 4:15) Jesus is the son of God, but he also was here on this Earth before. He was tempted by anger, worry, lust, substances, & so on. He cried out to the father in prayer because he needed him, just like us. " Although he was a son he learned obedience through what he suffered." ( Hebrews 5:8) Jesus suffered much pain & temptation, it was hard to not give in even through he was the son. He learned through drawing near to his Father. I feel like so many people, including myself, feel like Jesus doesn't understand or that he doesn't want to hear our tears or our sob story. I actually feel bad when I breakdown in front of Jesus because I don't want to him to feel like I just am unhappy with how my life is going. The truth is, he knows our hearts, our thoughts, & our futures. He wants to help, he loves us with a love we will never be able to even comprehend.  Tell him, cry it out to him. He loves you. forever. no matter what. He wants to extend his grace to your hearts, you just have to ask him. You have an invitation to the throne of grace.

All the Poor & Powerless

Now before you read this, I would like for you to listen to this song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrj8a1mdVPc


I am assuming that you just listened to this amazing song that brought me to tears a few weeks ago. This song that I feel like completely describes how I feel a majority of the time. Poor & Powerless. Like I am just stuck in a situation I cannot contain or help which leaves me feeling discouraged & useless. This feeling of being washed up by my past or current circumstance. Powerless to the point of not even wanting to try anymore. Just literally do not think I can continue. The feeling like running up a ridiculous mountain while being out of shape. You feel like your legs are going to give out. Your heart starts beating out of your chest, you just do not think you are going to make it to the top.

All the poor and powerless
And all the lost and lonely

I know so many people, very close people, that feel so lonely. Loneliness is a bitter feeling. Trapping your hurts & insecurities in your head with nowhere to put them. It gets a bit crowded in there, doesn't it? I know it did for me, I turned to just sleeping unbelievably much. Just so I could catch a break. Lost. Not knowing what to do or what to even say to try & make it. Not having a plan will drive me into a frenzy because being lost is like walking through the dark. You run into things & imagine things that really aren't there. You lose sight in a dark room causing you to feel powerless against the dark. I feel this is me in so many aspects of my life. I let things control me to where I feel so powerless against the darkness that washes over me.

All the hearts who are content
And all who feel unworthy
All who hurt will nothing left

Some hearts are content. What a beautiful thing a happy heart is. I am constantly saying " that makes my heart happy." I say this because I crave that feeling of a content joyful heart. It makes me feel lighter & brighter. Thank God for content hearts. Then there are these people who feel unworthy. These people who let their mistakes, failures, & past define them. It is a self doubt the enemy loves to throw over our heads. It eats you up every single time you try to move on. And there is hurt, hurt where you feel so empty. Hurt where you go home & shut down. Hurt where you are nothing but a body.  Now you ask, Kalyn ,this song is sad, why are you so crazy about this song? Like it is just saying how miserable it is to do life. This where our Jesus comes in.

Shout it, go on and scream it from the mountains
Go on and tell it to the masses
That He is God

 

These 22 words give me chills up my arms. They bring tears to my eyes. They make my heart so happy. Why? Because that is where my freedom lays. When we were in the Daytona & the Big Stuf band played this song that I had never heard of, it spoke loud. Everything I kept bottled up & everything that I felt was tearing me down, I told it to the mountain. I told the mountains in front of me that I don't have to be my hurt because HE IS GOD. I told my mountains that I am not poor but rich in Jesus' great love because HE IS GOD. I told my mountains that I am not lonely because of circumstances because HE IS GOD. I told my mountains that I am worthy in my renewal with Jesus Christ because HE IS GOD. I told them that I am powerful in my Savior because my God is holy.

 

All will sing out, Hallelujah
We will cry out, Hallelujah

 

WE. we the poor. we the powerless. we the lost. we the lonely. we the content. we the unworthy. we the broken. WE will know that he is holy. He changes us because he is God. This is why this beautiful song of breakthrough was burning in my heart today. Because when I feel let down or alone, I have my Jesus who covers all circumstance because he is God. This song shouts freedom from our insecurities & doubts & situations. Realizing that in Christ the mountains of life have no authority to block us from God's will, which is not to watch you sit & suffer, but to run to him because he is your God & lover in all things.







All around us

Honor and majesty are [found] in His presence; strength and joy are [found] in His sanctuary. ~ 1 Chronicles 16: 27(AMP) 

Presence. The definition of presence is "existence in place: the physical existence or detectability of something in a place at a particular time." I used to hear pastors speak on stage before a message with the prayer of , " let your great presence fill this room." As a young believer I was like, uhmmm God is in heaven. I actually remember looking around like Jesus was just gonna walk in the through the back doors through the pews & just sit with us. Yeah, no, I was wrong. I didn't learn about this amazing blessing we are given of his presence until about two years ago. I learned that it is the holy spirit we were so graciously given as Jesus died on the cross for us. That God is the holy spirit that lives in us & all around us. Well, I was still kinda new at the opening up to God & truly diving in so it was awhile until I really decided I wanted to try this out. So one day, the youth band was playing the song " With Everything." Everyone around me had just got back from this conference, Motion. These kids, my friends, were on fire. Like I mean you felt it when you walked in that sanctuary. God had touched them. I am a very observational person, so I watched. I watched how they forgot this world, and they seemed to disappear into what seemed to be another part of this world that I was DYING to see. So I prayed this prayer, " Lord, I wanna feel what they feel. I believe in you & your word, but I want more." & God sure did answer my prayer. I raised my hands, closed my eyes, & just sang , " with everything, with everything we will shout out your name. " Tears immediately fell from my eyes & chill bumps raised up out of nowhere. It wasn't cause it was cold, because it was summer crammed with students in a rather small space, it was the presence of God that touched me. I felt safe. I felt this love wash over me as I praised him. This is a memory that I will never forget because it was the day I truly began my journey.  Yes, I had already said the prayer to make him Lord. But, that day I began my intimate romance with my Savior. I am so thankful I began this walk. It was the best decision I ever made. It is amazing how God prepares you so abundantly before the storm. Two years ago I didn't know where I would be. If somebody would have told me the relationships, the struggles, the loses, the gains, the good times, and the bad, I wouldn't have believed them. The thing is that God knew. He knew that my life would be shaken. He knew that I would cry & yell. He knew I would be attacked in ways that I didn't even think possible, but he had showed me himself. Countless nights I laid in my floor uncontrollably crying just talking to God because he is my bestfriend. He is what I held on to when I felt this huge blackhole of mourning, sorrow, & confusion was going to drag me into this neverending hole of darkness. A girl at camp asked me our small group about presence. OH how I loved telling her that God is already here. He is right here. He is with her. He is with me. He is with you right now. He is just patiently waiting for you to make that decision to come into his presence. Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence?
~ Psalm 139: 7 He is a call away. Jesus died to have an intimate & real relationship with us. He loves us. The song " oh how he loves us" is so true. It is why I break down in tears & feel this peace in my soul. Because God is better than this world. He is bigger than the hurt. He is greater than the depression. And He said, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” ~ Exodus 33: 14 He is the calms the storm. He wraps us in his loving arms. He openly shows us love & favor because we are his children.

A few months ago we had a speaker at my youth service. It was about relationships, I know you should have heard the complains because no teenager wants to be told that they are too young to be in a serious relationship. Trust me, I am guilty. The guys & girls were split in separate rooms. And we all got prepared to be told the same thing again.. I thank God quite often for that speaker many days. She doesn't know it but she opened a door that day. I so often, like many other girls, love to fill up my empty spaces with compliments & boys that really probably don't care all that much about me. That message was about letting God be first. About this romantic relationship with Jesus. I never looked at it like a romance until that day. At the end, she did the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I wish I had it on video to play for all of you. She put on the song " Dance with me" by Hillsong. Which came on my Pandora during my facebook scroll & brought me to tears yet again. What she did was dance with Jesus. Literally. She turned it way up & fully forgot us. She wrapped her arm around his neck, took his hand & danced. It was so perfect. That night I went home, locked the door, & did the same thing. It was probably the most intimate thing I have ever done. I may have looked crazy, but I was having a deep conversation with my Savior as I let him lead me. I find myself doing this dance when I feel alone or unloved. His presence never fails you. Surrounding yourself in his love & grace makes life so much easier. You have someone holding you up. You constantly have a bestfriend to tell your hurts & celebrations with. Like Pastor Rob Stribling said, " he wants to be part of your celebrations." God doesn't just want you when you are on your knees because you are so broken, but when you are praising him for his miracles & joyful for his favor on your life. You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore. Psalm 16: 11 Put yourself in a constant flow of his presence. The devotional , Jesus Calling, is always teaching about keeping open communication. Listening to him & talking to him all day. Giving thanks always for everything. Diving into his unfailing love & mercy.
The earth shook; the heavens also dropped rain at the presence of God; Sinai itself was moved at the presence of God, the God of Israel. ~ Psalm 68: 8

 

 

The book of Ruth - God's name for me defines me , not my circumstances in this world #shereadstruth

I

s there a discrepancy between the names by which Jesus calls you and the names you give yourself? Are there circumstances in your life to which you are giving undue power, power that rightfully—and in reality!—belongs to our sovereign God alone?  Sister, who names you today—your God or your circumstances?

Funny how this book of Ruth has so unbelievably & completely matched to my thoughts & wonders these past few weeks. God reassured me greatly in this devotion ,which has focused on this beautiful woman. I fell in love with this lady of audacious faith, love, & obedience. A lot of my previous writings focus on this topic as well because it has bothered me & so many other teenage girls, especially, I have come to find. We are so wrapped up in what this world expects of us. I am guilty of this. We follow these worldly so called "expectations" of what we are to act like or become. So often, I feel so small. I feel so desperately tiny compared to this oh so massive world. I am just one of seven billion people. I feel like my little steps don't matter to anybody, but in this woman of God it just showed me just how a faith & obedience can truly affect the world immensely. A move based on solid faith can truly matter. We feel like our story isn't great because we haven't been a superhero or won a gold medal. We buy this lie of statistics. That if you have a broken family, you are broken. You are immediately doomed to this stereotype of rebellion. I honestly bought into it. I blamed my decisions on feeling unimportant because I felt my importance laid in the attention being placed on me by this world. Ruth took a step of leaving her homeland. She didn't have anything but Naomi. She looked up to this woman of God & declared to follow her God. This made me think, Naomi was so strong in her faith that she made a woman step out in faith to a God she didn't even know. Ruth just saw the woman Naomi was & cherished it. I believe she craved to be that kind of woman. I hope to be a woman who draws people to such a graceful & perfect lover who makes tiny steps into such a gorgeous story. Now Ruth and Naomi travel to Bethlehem. When these women get there the people questioned if it was Naomi. They did this because there was an obvious struggle to her life, that she was tired & worn. Naomi had lost her husband plus her sons. That would be the worst feeling I think I could imagine, to lose all the men in my life. She told these people to call her Mara, which meant bitter. She was drained. I see her because I have been so drained where I literally just take on the title of "depressed", " lonely", "unimportant", & "bitter." This is so true though in so many of us. That we take on these identities of our circumstances. We look at our life & think, I just can't keep it up. The thing is that to our Great God, we are not forgotten. We are not our circumstances. I am forgiven. I am blessed. I am free. I am free to be God's daughter, his beloved child. Just like Naomi, we are called to be redeemed. I have hidden for so long under my struggles. I have thought so many times, God where are you ? The truth is that he is always here. He is our storywriter. A great storywriter knows how to pan it out. Naomi and Ruth sought his face still through this time of hurt & confusion.  Then God let the right man, at the right time step in to take care of them both. They waited. They believed in God's favor coming. Their faith was built up because before they reached their high points because they had to believe in their valleys of what seemed like death, that their God who is so faithful would provide. Ruth's great faith led to the journey of the birth of Christ. Jesus Christ who is our savior & is my very hope on this Earth. What if Ruth had let her circumstances name her instead of God? If Ruth had hash-tagged herself as " forgotten" ? The thing is that Ruth named herself a daughter who is blessed. I am blessed. You are blessed. Our small steps through faith, in the dark, are a huge part in God's extraordinary story of forgiveness, grace, and redemption.

First Love

             "Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love." (Revelation 2:4)

Remember your first boyfriend or girlfriend? How you gave your full heart to them because you fully trusted them? Your every move revolved around them. When they wanted to talk, you were all ears. That feeling of telling them how your day went just made each day easier. You woulda gave your life for them. I know I would have . There is something about feeling wanted and cared for. It pulls you in like a tide. It gives a dark day some light. Love lifts your mood. I remember staying up all night just talking to my boyfriend ,who I thought I was going to be together with forever. I trusted him, I believed what he said. I gave my heart to him. I was 16. He broke my heart in a moment. I remember the feeling in my chest as I got a text saying, " I think we should break up." I sat in my mom's bedroom floor and just about flooded that room along with everyone in the house. I didn't understand why he didn't want me. I didn't understand why I ended up not being enough. I had gave up family time and lost friends to be with him. I was so upset with him. The thing is that a 16 year old boy doesn't contain the perfect love in which I needed. Every teenager, or most, has these dreams of a high school relationship. The boys with cars and flowers for no reason. young love. I understand this because I live it, the thing is priorities. My first love has become Jesus. He is the one who will never leave me or fail me. He wants me, even when I'm having a bad day. Jesus comes first. Jesus is my bestfriend. Jesus cares about me. He cares if I am upset for no reason. He holds my intimate secrets. Jesus died for me. He gave his life for me, for my wrong doing. Jesus doesn't break up with you. He never fails because his love is perfect.

#shereadstruth/jesus calling ~ trained by Grace

" These, then, are the things you should teach. Encourage and rebuke with all authority" Titus 2:15

" What right turn in  your character is God training you to make so that you might be more like Jesus"

I believe that I get so wrapped up in the future and accomplishing everything in the perfect manner to achieve the future I have planned for myself, that I do not seek his face at all times. I seek an email from a college or a friend or a boy. I seek something to do or I sit on pinterest to plan a house of dreams. The truth is that we must " seek his kingdom and these things will be given to you" (Luke 12:31). The passage of Luke 12: 22-31 explains not to worry that the Lord has you and sees you. Sometimes I feel as if I think I'm too small to be recognized. There are all these plans constantly buzzing through my head which leave me stressed. Now, those of  you who know me can second this, but when I am stressed, the wrath comes blazing out. My mind just can't take anymore. The simplest task will turn into a full on rage of anger and complaining. I feel as if I have to do it now and by myself. I am a pretty independent person. I feel like I can do anything by myself, the truth is self-reliance only works for a little while. Eventually, you run out of steam. Running out of steam, at least to me, is the worst feeling because all of a sudden my emotions blast out of this world. This is when I become farther from "like Jesus," because ,as my mom would say, " I get my worry on." The thing is that grace covers the worry. Deciding that Jesus has my college, car, boy, and friend situation in the palm of his hand and truly believing it, is where the amazing peace comes flooding in. "I have told you these things, so that you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. but take heart! I HAVE OVERCOME THE WORLD" (John 16:33) Remembering that as Christians following Christ, we have him with us. We have the winner and conqueror if we just seek his face and decide to take advantage of the grace he gives us and allows us to give other people. My future Is so much bigger than anything I can imagine. Worrying about not getting exactly what  I want and when I feel I should get it is where I think God is trying to change me. That I'll tune into his signs and turn to his word in worry instead of tweeting in frustration or hurting people with my words through my anger. Grace covers.

#shereadstruth ~ Spiritual mother

I am doing a devotional from #shereadstruth studying the small book of Titus. This organization sends daily email devotionals and often leaves you with a writing assignment. 

"How is spiritual mothering already taking place in your community? Has a godly woman influenced you in your growth in the Gospel, or has mentoring a young believer impacted your life? How would you like to see Titus 2 shape your relationships moving forward?"


As some of you may know, I love teaching kids about Jesus. About a year and a half ago, I was given the opportunity to serve in the children's church at my church. I know, kids? volunteer? a lot of me was scared. I knew I loved kids and that I could wrestle with them. I have a little brother and sister in elementary school, so I knew some of the basics. I assumed I would take some kids to the bathroom and wipe some noses. Never did I know the impact these kids would have on me. I never took into account that there would be relationships. These kids clung to me. I didn't understand why these children could just love me without knowing me. I soon discovered that they clung so tight because they needed love. They needed a smile. They needed a hug. They needed to see Jesus. Children don't get technical, well not all. They believe you and they believe in you 100%. You don't have to be perfect, just show them you care. Oh my, did I care. You have to be open. Sometimes these kids just talk about their cats or how they found a penny yesterday. It is simple, seems irrelevant, kinda stuff a lot of times. At first I was like okay, okay, okay. I soon realized that these beautiful kids were telling me these stories because I was the only person they could talk to . Some of these children don't have a mother speaking encouragement or grace and forgiveness to them. Some are hurt more than I could even comprehend, but they have that childlike faith. What an amazingly incredible thing it is. I learned that being a "spiritual mother" is loving unconditional. It is giving a Christ like love to someone. It is teaching kindness and encouraging them. Taking the time for them.

In my life I have been so very blessed to have spiritual mothers. One being my own mother. I remember that her answer to any problem is prayer. She is a prayer warrior. When she is upset, she prays. I've heard her so many times in the car, just declaring Jesus' name over every situation. I admire her for replacing tears with prayer. I'll always remember running in her room with tears just streaming down my face and her just saying lets pray about it. I also have been given the blessing of other "spiritual mothers". These women have encouraged me. They have listened to me. Sometimes that is exactly what you need, a verbal affirmation followed with a big hug. Sometimes you just need to tell someone what is going on with your life over a grande Starbucks. Or a person to text and say " please pray for me" and later in the day feel a weight lifted. I could not thank God enough for the women in my life.

Lastly, I find my "spiritual sisters" to be some of my biggest blessings. These girls both older, younger, and my age are so amazing. I find myself with sweet devotional texts so many mornings. Their hugs and caring astonishes me. In Christ, we have a bond much like Paul and Titus. These men were so close due to common faith which includes common hope. These women and girls create a hope in me. A safety. They show Christ's love even if they do not always realize it. They create opportunities and mentor me in everyway. We all are united by OUR savior which picks us up together and allows us to lead others to Christ.

" They are to teach what is good and to train the young women" Titus 2: 4