Roses

Happy almost Valentine's Day friends !! Pink and red is among us with mushy-gushy cards, over-sized bears, and lots of chocolate. I ain't complaining, I love love. I love teddy bears. I love sweet cards. and I LOVE CHOCOLATE. ...but this Valentine's Day I really have had it laid on my heart that there are some men and women who feel unlovable this weekend. That it seems like Valentine's day really may never end. There are people who feel like they messed up too bad to be loved. There are girls who feel used and literally worthless. There are guys who feel like a girl will never love them because of their so called flaws. There are people who feel lonely and are sitting around in a constant mindset of unlovableness. We compare our lives to our friends and wonder why that love or relationship isn't your life. People have lost love in the midst of it all.  Last night, the college ministry I attend split up into guys and girls to talk about love, relationships, and all that good stuff. As we were talking, my pastor told the story of a conference and a rose ( might butcher it a bit, but hopefully the point will be clear.) At this conference, the speaker made the harsh judgement of men/women who had been sexually immoral or had a lot of relationships. He said here is a rose. It is perfect. No flaws, just beauty. He then proceeded to pass the rose around the arena of about 1,000 people and as the rose made its way back to the speaker, it was obvious the rose had changed. The rose was falling apart. It was no longer a vibrant red. The stem was no longer stiff. The rose had lost its life. The speaker then asked  " who would want the rose now?" In so many ways, I feel myself asking that question. I hear my friends asking that question. All over my campus, this county, this state, this country, and this world are men and women who feel like this rose. Used. Hurt. Broken. Unworthy. Unloveable. We way too often settle for less when we feel this way. My pastor then continued the story by responding to the speaker's question of who wanted the rose with two words, 

" Jesus Does." In that moment , I was like yes, yes someone wants me. Not just someone, but the actual creator of the sunset. The one who placed the stars in the sky knows my name. I am known. So many times I take Jesus' love for granted.. it gets thrown into my whirlwind of emotions. I forget that my hurts, insecurities, and trials are all out there, but they do not define me because I give them to my father in heaven who takes away that pain. This weekend I want you to know that. That there is immense grace. There is love that is unconditional. No, I don't know your story or why you feel the way you do, but I do know that you are beautiful or handsome. You are so worth it. I also know that you are never too far to come running into his arms. When we look at the woman who was about to get stoned for committing adultery, we see Jesus' grace.. he says whoever has committed no sin, throw the first stone. Jesus then continues by telling the woman to go and sin no more. I am not your judge, I am but a friend who wants to encourage you today, that you are so special and so so cherished. I know that there is a God up there who wants to hold your hand everyday. He wants to use you in amazing ways. You are here for a reason. You are so loved this Valentine's day and everyday after that. I love you all too. Have a lovely weekend full of love, you are amazing !
lots of love,
Kalyn

In the sunset

Concrete walls. Lectures that contradict every belief I have. Work and studying take up what seems every minute of my time plus desperately trying to have a social life. Being nineteen is busy. Life gets busy. Life gets hectic and things seem to fall in the cracks, even those really important things that hold my foundation. SO many times I feel like I get lost in the midst of institutions and trying to knock off my seemingly never-ending to-do list. Never slowing down makes it really hard to take in the beauty of life and opportunity and friends. A few weekends ago I was so eager to get off campus and go out "looking for God." I know that sounds silly, but in my quest to get everything done I felt so far from him and my faith. So me and some of my girlfriends went to a swamp up the road called Grand Bay. This place is beautiful. Something about a natural swamp with the trees, water, and the pure silence of the place made me step back. Step back from the lectures I am having shouted into my mind. Step back from the to-do list to somehow get me on top, get me to that next degree, get me to whatever is next. But in that moment, with the sun setting on top of an old fire tower, I felt peace. I looked at that sunset and thought, how can I see this and not know you are there? How can I race through life racing everyone and skipping over these things like this? How can it be that the maker of the sun created me? The other day my geology teacher told us that we were created from stardust. he proposed that a whole lotta stars were made and left some dust around and it built up to create us. When I sit around and I see the miracles of life transformation, love, grace, breath, air, flowers, and the amazing sunsets.. I have to step back and say there has to be a maker. There has to be some crazy reason that my heart is beating right now at the perfect pace. There is a reason why we cry. There is a reason we laugh. There is a reason that every single person on this planet is special and uniquely made. This life is no coincidence. As I was standing on that tower watching the sunset, one of my favorite songs came to mind. Great are you Lord by All sons and daughters :
 It's Your breath in our lungs

So we pour out our praise
We pour out our praise
It's Your breath in our lungs
So we pour out our praise to You only

As I sing that song, I am grateful. Even when I am flooded with uncertainty or stress, I have breath in my lungs. I am loved. I am living. The sun rises and sets each new day and that is enough for me. 

The seed of doubt

A seed of doubt is something that is inevitable in this life. Especially being in high school or college, I feel like seeds are planted of negativity or self-doubt constantly. The thing about a seed is that it can only grow if it is watered. Recently, I have had seeds of insecurity seemingly to be poured straight from a huge jar into my life. From classes, to jobs, to relationships, & friends, there are so many things said, even innocently, that can start as a just a seed. The choice we have is to water it or let it die? What I've learned recently is way too often I blindsidedly water these seeds. A friendship isn't the same.. Turns into I'm not good enough. Family doesn't always go as planned.. I'm not good enough. Classes are a bit hard.. I'm not good enough. A guy doesn't like you... I'm not good enough. Make a mistake at work.. I'm not good enough. It is a constant trend in the mindset of people.. Im not good enough. Whether it be in smarts, physical appearance, what I can handle, whatever it may be.. I watered that seed. When I sat back and looked at myself as the problem for everything, I completely degraded who I am. I let negativity literally take me captive & my joy was fleeting. When we do this, we shut down. We are talking down on who we are and our worst critic is ourselves. I love the quote, "you have to love yourself, before you can love others." When we are sitting there comparing ourselves to a girl on the magazine, we aren't loving ourselves. When we are constantly thinking you are so foolish for going after such a big dream, we aren't loving ourselves. When we think we are incapable, all of our possibilities disappear because we watered the small seed into a rooted tree in our hearts. Self-doubt takes the deepest roots in our lives, especially personally. When I self-doubt, my insecurities paralyze me. I feel sad, unhappy, & worthless. That isn't who I am though & that's what I have learned. Yes, whatever that person said hurt me. BUT that isn't what defines me. Yes, I am struggling in a class, BUT that doesn't mean I'm incapable. I feel overwhelmed, BUT that doesn't mean I can't get it all done or that my world is crashing down. And a big one is that yes, that girl may be pretty & seem to have it all, but you have a lot to offer to & it is so life-changing to realize your worth in this world. Don't water the the seeds of doubt anymore. You are enough.

Much love,

Kalyn 

Wanderer

Happy 2016 readers, so crazy that it is January 5th already! This past weekend I had the opportunity to go to Passion, which is a conference for young adults 18-25. Over three arenas, there were 40,000 college age students excited about worshipping Jesus together and hearing amazing speakers and being ushered into worship by some talented worship artists. A lot of amazing things happened this weekend in a lot of people. Together we funded a hospital in Syria to help children and mothers who need help in such a crisis. Together we raised awareness to end human trafficking of 27 million people around the world. Together we lifted our hands and said thank you Jesus for your love and your grace and for what you are doing among our generation. I could probably have a blog just designated to awakenings at Passion, but I will try to restrain. A really cool thing Passion does is break us down into community groups ,which are then broke down into family groups ( much like a small group) of about 6 strangers. In the groups, we discuss questions posed by our community group leader. One of the questions was, " what is one word that really stuck out to you from that day so far?" Of course, that would usually be a hard decision for my mind to pick one word from thousands and thousands of words given that day.. But immediately the word , wanderer came and took hold. As a college student and very young adult, I feel like a wanderer and as I evaluate my friends, I see they too remind me of wanderers. As we graduate high school, we wander from friends to friends. We wander from school to school and place to place. Jobs come and jobs go. We wander from relationship to relationship and teacher to teacher. We wander to home and from home. We wander from our high school selves to the adult we so desperately want to be. We are just naturally wanderers as we grow. Wandering can be stressful. Wandering is so exciting, but also crazy scary and overwhelming. I miss my friends. I miss home. I miss high school ( whatatt, I know, I know). Things were simple and I really didn't have to figure out anything for myself. It was awesome, but as I have grown up and moved , I have realized that I am a diehard wanderer. I love new things and new people and taking control of my life. My soul wants to travel and explore. But, with all my wandering, I have wandered into my own way of thinking. Negativity falls like a waterfall from my mouth. Music fills my ears that degrades myself and God. I care more about a guy or a friend then I do about doing what God wants for me. Honestly, in my wandering mind.. I question God. I question worship. I question church. I just question everything because I feel like I just am so desperate for new or the fear of messing up or being rejected or whatever. At Passion, I was like God, I really need you to show up. I really need to just know that you are here. As I was searching for some amazing in awe, lights from the sky and a big thundering voice saying hey Kalyn I am here.. I realized something. I realized that God isn't trying to confuse me. He isn't trying to make me feel bad for what I have done. My mind thinks I must know it all and if I don't then it must not be for me. I got to thinking about the stars. I got to thinking about the lives I have seen flipped upside down because of Jesus. I got to thinking about the sunset and the oceans and the 40,00 college students from hundreds of countries and thousands of universities that don't know it all either. Many people will say why follow Jesus.. And I was standing in that arena saying it too. And in a moment I just knew it was worth it. Jesus is worth it. Jesus doesn't wander. He is still the same as when I found him. At the end of the day, I don't want to be wandering from bar to bar. I don't want to be wandering from person to person. I want to be content in saying Jesus, I may not know it all and that is okay, but you are worth it. You are worth laying my life down and saying take it because I don't know what the heck I am doing. One thing that has always stuck with me is that we are all born to worship. Whether we worship Jesus or a type of music.. You are worshipping. As I was standing there, I compared what else I could worship. I could worship a guy. I could worship a bottle. I could worship money. I could worship my degree I am pursuing. I could worship a club or a party. BUT, what on earth am I living for doing any of that? That is a waste of my life. The gospel is truly simple, he is risen and so can I be now. I can move, I can travel, I can have friends, I can have a degree... But Jesus is more. Jesus is worth it . Of course the thought has come to my head & repeatedly is asked, What if you are wrong about Jesus? WHAT HAVE I LOST IF I FOLLOW JESUS? I have seen miracle after miracle happen in front of my face. I have personally been free from bondage and unforgiveness. But what if you're wrong Kalyn? .oh but what if I am right? He is worth it. I love the song that says " where else could I run, where else could I go? But to you Jesus." ( I butchered the words a bit, but that is the concept). I don't want to find contentment in anything this world has to offer me. If I get a job with good money, awesome. I f I don't, oh well. If I find the right guy, awesome. If I don't oh well. If I get my degree, awesome. If I don't, oh well. But if I lose Jesus, I lose myself. He is so intertwined into who I am because I am his. I have purpose for him, not me. I love people, not because of me, but because of him. I worship him, not for the approval of other, but for me. My wandering soul finds rest in him. My wandering soul finds safety in him because he doesn't wander and he knows all that I do not. If you are wandering in far off places in your heart, it isn't too late. Nothing you have done can separate you from him. You don't have to be perfect, I make mistakes daily. My wandering soul looking to fix the pieces of my broken heart are put together by the word of God. The song that brought this to light is David Crowder's song, " Lift your head weary sinner." The lyrics go " If you're lost and wandering, come stumbling in like a prodigal child. See the walls start crumbling. Let the gates of glory open wide. " I love that, that our lost and wandering souls are welcomed by a glorious Saviour. He is worth it. 

2016 Intentional

As I wake up to realize that today is the last day of 2015 ( eeeppp, how in the world did this happen), I am flooded with such great moments. 2015 was the year I waited for 12 years to finally get here, the year I graduated from Ola High School. 2015 was the year I finished high school with 26 college credits when I thought I wasn't going to even graduate several times during spring semester due to grades. 2015 was the year I moved to Valdosta ,even when it seemed nearly impossible. I was blessed to have a job at home and receive another at my new home. 2015 was the year both my bestfriends got married and I got the honor of being in their weddings. 2015 was the year I went months without seeing my besties because we all are all out pursuing our dreams. 2015 brought on the distance of high school friends, but the blessing of new friends as I moved to VSU. I found an awesome church in Valdosta and joined an organization to mentor teens that I love. I was exceedingly blessed this year. But, 2015 also brought challeneges and heartbreaks from school to boys to my parent's divorce, and it was hard especially being three hours away from home. There were many tears in 2015.
 As I was taking a look back, I realized that 2015 was a year that went by too quick. I missed moments because I was racing the clock to get everything done to move on to the next thing on my to-do list. I missed opportunities because I was too busy focusing on myself and the challenges I was facing. I didn't pause quite enough. I'm bad about trying to fill up my time whether it be netflix or a job or school or sleep, I feel like I always have something to do. I get stressed out and end up with that famous hair in a bun , homeless, just rolled out of bed look pretty often because I feel like I just can't function anymore. The thing is that when I look back on 2015, I see that I wasn't thankful like I should of been. I took for granted that I got to be at Valdosta and that was a serious miracle considering I was told a few times it looked impossible. I took for granted that I had a car to get me there. I took for granted that when I was there, I didn't have to work my first semester because I was provided for. I took for granted my new church and organization that God had so obviously allowed me to stumble upon. But mostly, I took for granted people. God has really laid on my heart recently that I need to humble myself among my others. I need to be a light, not just a passing girl. I need to be open and caring. I need to love them intentionally. Now, if you know me, you would know that I am not miss outgoing or miss talkative or miss let's all take about feelings, ( funny considering my major of choice) , but God is breaking down those walls in me. It takes an intention for me to walk over and ask if I can help someone get through scomething. It takes intention to refrain from gossiping with my friends when you live with 80 girls. It takes an intention to lower my judgements on people and give them a chance. The thing I have realized is that everyone has something going on and everyone needs a friend ( even when we say we don't, we do). We need hugs. We need tears. and we just need someone to love us intentionally. In 2016, I want to pause more. I want to stop and thank God for every opportunity he has so willingly given me. I don't want to waste precious time on simply checking off a list. I want to use my time loving others and caring after his people. I want to be thankful for the things I take for granted like the stars and air to breathe. I want to be intentional about who I talk to and how I talk. I want to be intentional about showing Jesus in everything I do and doing everything to my very best ability. ( I also want to be intentional about getting on that treadmill if ya know what I mean, freshman 15 is no joke kids). This year I noticed that I took for granted my family and my friends at home before I moved ( I came home pretty often because my heart missed them so much) and I want to be intentionally thankful for each person that crosses my path next year. 2016 I am going to be intentional about making stuff happen, not just letting those moments go by. Life is so crazy short and being a young, college student is even shorter. Use where you are and who you are to the best of your ability and make 2016 intentional. Happy New Years, stay safe !
lots of love,
Kalyn

oh what a wonderful world

Merry Christmas Eve ! It is finally here, Christmas. Mistletoes and Christmas trees and presents under the tree.. shopping is done ( well, hopefully) and many families and friends begin getting ready for a Christmas Eve celebration. We can finally take a deep breathe.. but
The reality is that today, all around the country, there is sorrow, grief, confusion, hurt, and loneliness. There are empty seats at tables that were once filled with grandparents, fathers, mothers, or dear friends. Many families are having their first split Christmas, such as mine. The emptiness in our hearts is real and it hurts. People feel forgotten and unloved. December has more suicides than all the other 11 months combined.. it is because of this emptiness in hearts during this time of year. We compare our lives to those who's lives seem complete. Circumstances overcome us. We cry, instead of laugh. We worry, instead of trusting.  We feel incomplete.. and most unfortunately, we are ungrateful instead of being thankful for all the good that is in our lives.
A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to attend a Young Life camp in beautiful Jasper, Georgia . After club (service), YL camps do something very unique that I will always remember. It is quite simple, but so important. The teenagers and leaders are instructed to find a place outside and have a quiet time. All the lights from the camp are shut off and the only light is from the millions of stars above me. I layed down where I was and just gazed at the stars. I was in awe. I had so many complaints about life... divorce, unhappiness, loneliness, school, etc. But in that moment, I was grateful. I was thankful for the stars I had taken for granted. I was thankful for the favor to go to Valdosta State. I was thankful for the opportunity to be serving at a camp for teens. I was thamkful for the family God had given me, even if things weren't perfect by any means. I was thankful that I had breathe and could breath. I was thankful for a God who loves me and cherishes me and wraps me up in grace that fills the emptiness in my heart. I am thankful. This Christmas, let us take a step back. Let us look past the phones and social media.. let us look past the presents under the tree... let us look past the terrible circumstance that has its grip on you.. and look to Jesus. The one who was born for us. The one who takes away our pain and wounds. The one who loves you and cares for you enough to take on the form of a slave for you.. The one who wants to bring you joy in him. The one who we celebrate this Christmas.. Jesus. You, whoever you are reading this little blog, are special. You are so so loved by a Savior. I  know it hurts and I know it is hard to be positive during what seems like the end of the world, but Jesus came to fill that hole in your heart. Let us be people of thanks today & sing oh, what a wonderful world & celebrate thankfulness for Jesus' birth today .

Taking care of you, too

" We must not confuse the command to love with the disease to please. And it’s not just because of the vicious cycles of people pleasing, although that’s part of it. I miss Best Yes opportunities sometimes because I simply don’t know they’re part of the equation. I get all twisted up in making the decision to check either the Yes or No box, not realizing there is a third box that reads Best Yes. "

- Lysa Terkeurst 

Good rainy afternoon ! I've been reading Lysa Terkeurst's book, The Best Yes, off & on for several weeks. I decided to do a leadership project based on the book, and revisited previous chapters. The above quote really stands out to me. Many of my friends refer to me as a "mom" . I like things strict, tidy, and definite. Those who know me , know how I hate to say "no." I hate feeling like I disappointed someone or like I'm missing out on something. I have people pleased a really large part of my life away. I want people to like me and want to hang around me. I want people to know I'm there for them, but way too often I forget about myself. I forget about what the command to love is and I get so wrapped up in trying to fix everyone and everything else that I feel drained and worthless. When you feel as if you're barely getting by, it is hard to move forward yourself, much less accelerate others. The problem I have realized is that I work myself up about all that is on my plate. The funny thing is that many things, I simply cannot do anything but pray about. I look at my planner and make to-do lists, but quickly get overwhelmed with it all. I victimize myself so much complaining about how tired I am and how life is unfair. I picked The Best Yes because of the subtitle, " Making Wise Decisions in the Midst of Endless Demands." That screamed my name! In college , I feel like I'm being pulled in a thousand different directions. From six classes to church services to family conflicts to friendships fading and coming to clubs and bible studies, plus simply being an eighteen year old on her own .. I feel like I could use all the wise decisions I could get. It has always been hard for me to take responsibility over myself instead of trying to fix everyone around me. I cover up what I know my soul needs with trying to please everyone then burn out. It is easy to focus on someone else's problems instead of my own. But, I've learned that if I'm not pouring into myself, I end up with nothing to pour. I'm not saying don't be with people, but there is a time when you must say no to the parties or another errand , and take a chill.  Yes, it is ok to have a desire for people to like you, but it isn't ok to constantly get by through granting every wish everyone asks of you. It is so important to rest. Not just sleep, but genuinely take time to repress & breathe. Praying is a fantastic first step . Expressing your rushing life to God and asking for wisdom and rest is so important. I've found blogging to be something I do to help my soul, but it also helps others. Journaling allows you to vent in a private way. Watch a movie. Read a book. Go sit outside and listen to music. Doodle and write poems. Do refreshing things. With a hectic schedule, it is such a vital investment to take a step back before you jump right in. God has shown us the importance of rest in Genesis .. After God finished creation, he rested. He took a step back and assessed the beauty in what he had created. God created you and me. He knows your schedule and he is not surprised you feel overwhelmed. He gave us a tool , the bible. His word is living and feeds your soul if you let it. My challenge for you and myself this week is to take a moment to pour into you. Talk to God and clear your head. It's that time in the semester that it is a downhill slope. Don't be overwhelmed by life, adjust it. Thanks for reading ! 

Love , 

Kalyn

Believing

College shakes your world. New people. New place. New churches. New teachers. New roads. New absolutely everything. In so many ways, college is a place of a good, new start. A new beginning to a whole new world where high school doesn't matter anymore and those awkward middle school years are far behind you. But even through all the good in moving away to college, beliefs are tested. There is alcohol, drugs, sex, and pure darkness intermixed in the good. There is the typical girl drama and the boys who treat girls like a play date. Losing friends and being broke as a joke. Classes pull so much attention and energy. Events pile up to the point that my planner is unreadable at times. I love college and my friends and all the opportunities I have been given. I have a lot of fun and my grades are good. But.. in the middle of my busy life, where is my time for God? Is my life glorifying God, or myself? In so many ways, I want to say yes, I am living for God in everything I do. No, I'm not partying or getting wasted.. but is my everyday life an example of Jesus? Am I showing grace ? The answer is regretfully, not all the time. When I am brutally honest with my myself and Jesus.. I realize that I give out judgement and gossip. I speak death and not life way too often. It may not be a "cuss word" , but it is not speaking through Christ. I glorify myself when I accomplish something like a test I think I bombed, but ended up rocking or when I make time for God I give myself a pat on the back. When I felt this conviction of being lost in my busy young adult life, this question came to my head :

What do you really believe ? 

 Do I really believe that God looks at me with eyes of grace? Do I believe that God sacrificed his

only son for me, so I can have a relationship with him? That simple truth of why I am a Christian completely becomes irrelevant to so many, including myself, when life becomes busy. The Word of God is easily thrown under my psychology book and my binder full of notes. Music becomes replaced with something popular and meaningless to fill up silence in a room instead of worship music full of truth and meaning that fills me up. The past few weeks, God has really been reminding me of why I believe and what it means to believe in Jesus. I believe in God's grace, so why is his grace only for me and no one else? I believe God has forgiven me for my mistakes and sins, but why is it okay for me to not forgive someone for theirs? I believe in God's love for me despite my undeserving soul, so why do I only extend love to family and friends when I feel like they deserve it? If I believe in Jesus, I believe in what he says to do and how to treat people. I forgive because Jesus forgave me. I love because God first loved me. I extend grace because without God's mighty grace.. I am my sin. With Jesus, I am changed from nothing to something.I take the label of lost off and put on the label of found. I become God's daughter, instead of an orphan. Because he loves me, I will give him my life. Not just my Sunday mornings and Thursday nights, but everyday, every second devoted to his kingdom. I am not saying that I am perfect or you will never make a mistake again, we are humans, But that is not an excuse to throw God into a small extra time in our day. It is not enough to just simply fall into a category enough to where you feel comfortable marking " Christian" on the SAT. There is SO much more to Jesus.. he is ever-present.. waiting for you to turn to him with everything. Not just your needs.. but when you can take on the love of Christ to give others you find the presence of God even more as you learn from the Word of God. This weekend I received an opportunity to serve the youth at my church in Valdosta. I was with eight 6th grade girls from Friday evening to Sunday afternoon. I saw myself in them. I remember that God rescued me from brokenness time and time again. He brought me my church and my friends I had through high school. Now, 7 years later, I am at Valdosta State in a dorm room with my good friend, Miriam. God has provided. He has worked so mightly since my 6th grade year. From broken friends to broken family, God remained the same. It was me who drew apart or drew closer. He is faithful to his children and I am so blessed that I am called child. In order to lead others to the peace I have found in Christ, I must become more like him and remember his promises. My prayer for you and myself is that we would make intentional time for our God, to spend time in his Word and in prayer. Journal to him. Sing to him. Praise him for his grace, forgiveness, and love. My prayer is that we would become on fire for Christ so he would completely consume us and we can spread his truth to everyone for his glory, not our own.  What do you believe ? 

I love you all! As always, If you ever have any prayer requests or want someone to simply listen , I am always available. Thanks for reading !

Love,

Kalyn 

Mosaic

happy beautiful Monday morning ! It is a clear, breezy morning here in Valdosta. Coffee in my hand after an 8 am mandatory workout, and ready to blog. This past weekend I went on the freshman retreat with the BCM ( baptist collegiate ministry). We packed up on Friday to head to camp for the night.. Lol, anyone who knows me just chuckled. Anyways, the theme for the weekend was "Mosiac." When I think of a Mosiac, I always think of a big, fancy church with stained glass windows. These windows are absolutely breathtaking. This artwork shows a bigger picture, one of completeness. But the closer you get to the Mosiac, you realize it is tiny pieces of glass that was masterly pieced together to make something that is spectacular. It is masterpiece. An artist had to take endless hours of skill placing thousands of shard glass fragments together. This message keeps appearing in my life.. From churches, summer camp, and now this retreat. These glass pieces represent our broken parts, the areas in our life we feel keep us in bondage. Brokenness is among us all. No person is perfect. Every person is a sinner. Sin cause brokenness. I know my brokenness has a lot to do with a separated family. Through my brokenness I began to live through it which blurred my vision and paths. I began to be depressed. I endulged in anything that took my eyes off my problem, which at the time was a relationship with a guy. I had periods where I simply was done and did not want to be alive. Brokenness was the core of everything I did. The enemy manipulated it into something I thought defined me. I was broken. That was who I was and I had excepted it. BUT , that is not how Our God sees me. He calls me a masterpiece. 

{ for we are God's masterpiece. he has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago } Ephesians 2:10

God is not surprised at my sin. he is not shocked my family fell apart. I did not pull one on him moving to Valdosta. he knew his plans a long time ago, he knew I would trip up. He loves me though. We were created in his image, We were created for a purpose.. A special purpose. Never think you are the only one in the room struggling because you are not. We all have a story. We all have a past. We all have weakness, but God works greatest through our weaknesses. God takes those shards of glass and turns them into a masterpiece that is breathtaking. It does not happen over night, but overtime God works all things for good for those who love him. Broken is not how who you are. YOU are a masterpiece. 

Lots of love , 

Kalyn 

What're you looking at ?

Good short week Thursday ! God has worked so much in my heart the past few weeks here at VSU. There have been good times, and some hard times. But, I know for certain that the God who let me get here will use all things for good. I've felt a conviction on my heart throughout the past few weeks. Being in college, like most places nowadays, has opened my eyes to how dark and lost this world is. I am surrounded by hurting people everyday. Young adults who are going after fame among their peers and careers. Words of gossip, negativity, and darkness fills the lips of the majority of this campus and this world. I even catch myself wrapped up in it.  The "culture is shifting" as the church's pastor I visited explained in their college message last week. It has now become "entertainment" to watch how utterly vulgar Miley Cyrus can be on the VMAs. My downstairs lobby of my hall was filled with freshman indulging in this world through drama displayed on an award's show. I see young girls come in to the dorms dressed as if  clothing was just an option. Young girls with futures going after a life of parties. Laws have been passed that overtake morals ,such as abortion. This world is hurting. This world is trying to get us completely distracted from what we need.. JESUS. We have to take a stand to stay strong in Christ when the culture shifts away from him. When someone says Jesus... they usually think " Christianity" which is accurate, but Jesus is much more than a religion. Sure, I go church. I listen to christian music. and I read the word. BUT am I consuming myself with Jesus? Has Jesus become my reason to breathe? Last week, I felt such a conviction while the band was playing the song " Christ is enough for me " The chorus of this songs goes as follows :

{ Christ is enough for me. Christ is enough for me.  Everything I need is in You. Everything I need } 


I remember such a heavy feeling came over me as I sang that song. I realized that I said he was enough for me, but the truth is I didn't live that way. I surely didn't think that way at all. I started thinking about all the things I thought I had to do in order to feel "whole". Being in college, you just want to fit in.. make friends.. and live the "college life" of independence and freedom. I needed that Lily Pultizer cup or planner everyone had. I needed to talk like my peers.. I needed to gossip about others to have friends, at least that is what I thought. I had to have a complete family to be happy. I needed to have it all planned out as to how my life panned out. But, mostly I realized in that moment that I was obsessed with being wanted or liked. I had chased after guys and put a guy way above where he should of been. Ladies & gents, hear me out.. live your life for God, not a guy or girl. I know it is around you , " love stories" and constant in everyday life. I am not denying love or being in a relationship. I love love. I love watching people fall in love. But, one thing I have learned is that liking a guy or girl is not bad, but putting him in God's place is. Feeling loved, beautiful , and wanted by a guy or girl is great, but realizing that he/she isn't enough is important. I based my emotions on a human. Humans WILL dissappoint. They make mistakes, so it is silly to think that they could ever be the one and only for me. When you sing " Christ is Enough for me" .. it means no matter who or what is in my life, with or without it or them, I can make it because I have what I need. Everything I need is in him. Love. Hope. Joy. I don't need a ton of people to like my instagram post. I don't need a thousand friends. I don't need a super amazing car. I don't need to have my life planned out. I don't need every designer item I see. I don't need a guy to make me feel valuable. I am valuable. I am loved. I am liked. I am being used for God's plans. Christ is enough for me, no turning back.. no turning back. So my question for you is , " What're you looking at today?".. is it this world.. or is it our beautiful God?
 Much Love,
Kalyn

I also want to thank you guys so so much for always reading my posts. It means so much to me to know that what I feel God wants me to share effects lives for his kingdom. Last week, Give me Jesus hit 1500 pageviews. That is 1500 people who have read about Jesus. The most special part is that I can see that people google and find this blog. I have no idea who they are, but they are reading. Thanks to all who share.. there aren't ever 100 likes on a post on instagram or facebook, but those pageviews come form somewhere. Those 1500 people read it, some I may never know did. I just want to say thank you for investing ! If anyone ever has prayer requests or just want to take or ideas on what you think I should improve or write about, let me know. My email is kbowser96@gmail,.com . Have an amazing week !!

Wearing your Faith

Hello readers! I hope your Monday was the best Monday ever. This past weekend I participated in an overnight retreat type event with the Baptist Collegiate Ministry here at Valdosta State. I made new friends, stepped out of my comfort zone ( next blog ;) ), and God really clarified some things he has been pulling on my heart. Many times we wonder why we are where we are. Whether that be location or circumstance, it is a valid point. Why am I at VSU? Why did I not go to Georgia Southern or Kennesaw? Why not go straight to ministry school? Why did I choose to forgo other clubs? Why was financial aid such a pain? Why did certain things in my life seemingly fall into a billion pieces?  Why did I pick somewhere so far away from those I love? Seriously, everyone questions their own decisions, even though they made them. These questions eat at not only our minds, but our faith. We wonder if anything good can come out of a season of waiting or wondering.. God has really shown me that I am exactly where he wants me to be right now. Even when things are hard or uncertain, his plans prevail. Many times I wonder why I'm not in a season of my life where I am on the streets helping these young girls become saved from the evils of trafficking. Or why I am not in Cambodia with the She Rescue House... there are so many things I "could" be doing that I'm not. I'm sitting in the Odum Library with some friends blogging on my laptop. I've made new friends that God opened so many doors to let me meet. Everyone is new here. There are probably a couple hundred students studying, reading, or searching online in this one building. As of today, I believe that about 11,000 students are enrolled at my school. ELEVEN THOUSAND souls. Eleven thousand impressionable young people. Eleven thousand peers who I could show Jesus to. I always think witnessing is about going up to someone & telling them my testimony or saying Jesus Jesus Jesus after everything. God has shown me recently the difference I am called to make, as well as yourself,.. Showing Jesus through my life.What do I mean show Jesus ? I mean wear him well. Make him your garment every single day. I love the saying of that.. wearing. I love to shop.. I mean LOVE. Why do we spend hours in the store looking at every aisle for the next purchase? I go through countless outfits to decide what to wear every single day.. why? because I want to feel like I look good & look decent for others. I want to portray something to my peers. That is how we are called to show Jesus. Portray him in all we do. When you wake up, do you put on Jesus? Or do you throw on whatever is popular? That secular song that the cute guy in your history class listens to? The super seductive crop top that you know your mom would kill you if she saw it? the latest gossip on the girl " that doesn't fit in"? I am guilty of gossip. I am guilty of listening or watching movies and music I probably shouldn't. I am guilty of a word slipping out of mouth because I got too comfortable trying to fit in with the crowd. I am guilty of putting a guy first. We all are guilty of wearing this world. Of doing literally everything we can to fit into a certain mold of a person... but what we are called to do is wear Jesus. Radiate him and what he stands for. Jesus stands for love. He literally is LOVE. He is grace and redemption and salvation. He is the King of Kings.  He is your Father and bestfriend. He loves you and sets you right where he needs you at any particular time. The choice is to put him on daily no matter where you'd rather be. You are a disciple wherever you go. Your mission field is right where you are. On your campus. In your family. At Walmart, wherever it is. I am not saying you have to tattoo Jesus on your forehead, but there is a light that comes from those who wear Jesus. You become joyful and bright. Not irritated and rash. You focus on the postive rather then the negative. You love others even when they aren't loveable. Integrity and honestly flow from your actions. Our leader for BCM, explained that about 10% of the campus is ready to except Christ, they are just waiting for YOU to do something to make a bit of a difference. YOU get the opportunity every single day to make an impact for THE kingdom. The Lord uses us to reach the unbelievers through our lives. Not even always through our words.. but through how we live, what we do, and how we carry ourselves.

{Be careful to live properly among your unbelieving neighbors. Then even if they accuse you of doing wrong, they will see your honorable behavior, and they will give honor to God when he judges the world.} 1 Peter 2:12 

When I see someone worshiping God on a deeper level then just church, it sets a fire in me to get deeper. To find out what is different with that person. Use where you are. Use your gifts. Use every chance the Lord sets in front of you. Even if things are not perfect, you are a child of God. God wins in the end. He is yours, and you are his. What an absolutely beautiful truth ! How wonderful that we get to share that honor with those we meet everyday. A simple change in attitude can be just the seed someone needed in order to grow bold enough to accept Christ.. Wear Jesus well.

 {And you should imitate me, just as I imitate Christ.} 1 Corinthians 11:1
 
You are the hands & feet of Christ. Be more like Jesus with every step you take. You will stumble, but the good news is that we have a God who catches us when we do so. Put on your Jesus today.

lots of love,
Kalyn  

New begininngs

Goodafternoon ya'll,
 As many of you probably know, I am now a resident of Valdosta, Georgia. eeeppp, it still is hard to believe it all worked out & I am sitting in my dorm room blogging. God had his hand on this without a doubt. It has been awhile since I posted, but I decided to blog a bit about my first week or so here & encourage those starting new chapters.. even new beginnings you had no idea you are capable of making & for those who want to begin something new, but it seems everything is falling through.

I am SO excited that I just had a sudden urge to open up my daily reading on YouVersion.. Proverbs 3. It is exactly what I needed to set the foundation for this blog. ( go ahead & read https://www.bible.com/bible/116/pro.3.nlt ) When I think of "new", I think of fresh, shiny, & spotless. When I think of "beginning", I think of the start of a journey or race with a path set out before you. This August, I watched my little sister set out on a new beginning as she entered middle school. I saw two of my dearest friends begin a new beginning with their new spouses. I watched as hundreds & hundreds of kids I grew up with move miles away from eachother. It all happened so fast, but it is life. As we grow, we change, We move. We meet new people & travel new places. There is a feeling about newness that drives us all. I know I love to get a new outfit or blanket or purse or anything. Meeting new friends is the scariest, but funnest thing. That is why the majority of us obsess over the newest phone or update or who to talk to or whatever is of all the rage now... but my point is developing an attitude of newness. I believe God has laid this on my heart because it something I struggled with & continue to have to pursue daily. This world is beautiful, God created this amazing place for us to live life on. To invest in his creation & build his kingdom. How can I do that when I am living in the weight of yesterday's mistakes, failures, and disappointments? I carried around, honestly, this bitterness of oldness. I just dreaded the day because of regrets, anger, unforgiveness of myself, & had an attitude set towards my circumstance. Everyday I would pile on another negative thought or action until I felt bombarded with negativity. That is exactly what the devil had in mind, for me to focus so much more on my yesterday than my today. As you read this, I hope you are connecting to this truth...
{ This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! } 2 Corinthians 5:17
Today, I want you to write this verse on a sticky & post it somewhere you'll see it all the time. Jesus makes us new. He allows these new beginnings. He refreshes hearts & makes them pure.
 {Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.} Psalm 51:10
 Everyday, in the morning, make your requests to him for your day. He is able,he is just, and he hears you. He hears you're voice, trust in the power of the Lord who makes dry bones ALIVE. { Ezekial 37} { In the morning, LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly. } Pslam 5:3  Through Christ, we live out the opportunity for a daily refreshness, a daily new beginning. As I referenced earlier, Proverbs 3 shows that resting on his word sets you up for walking in a new state of mind. Being full of the word , the truth, will change how you view everything. No matter what falls through or who says you can't or you're " foolish" , you get the chance to pursue a new attitude , a new life BECAUSE of Christ. Through his grace, through your faith in him, you get to change your circumstance every single day because he makes your heart full of bitterness, stress, & contempt.. pure. He renews your spirit of anger into a steadfast, trustworthy intimate relationship with the king of kings ! As you walk through your campus, walk in newness. Walk in the faith that you have begun a new beginning daily with your Savior. That he dearly loves you. He wants what is best for his most wonderful creation. You have the power of the Holy Spirit to guide your every decision.. tap into that this week & live life with a new start. A new day. & a new perspective on your purpose... to be a light. To walk in FREEDOM EVERYDAY. 
 
{I will walk in freedom, for I have devoted myself to your commandments.}psalms 119:45

Lots of love, 
Kalyn Bowser 

{And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.} Phillipians 1:6

Children For Sale #endhumantrafficking

Good Wednesday Afternoon to my beautiful & handsome readers !
I am way excited to share this blog with you guys ( I've been working on getting blogs prepared to post regularly & have a more up to date blog ) , but this one is a spur of the heart kind of post. SO, last night I got the incredible honor to attend a special showing of CNN's new documentary , "Children for Sale : The Fight to End Human Trafficking " which airs Tuesday, July 21st at 9 pm on CNN. As well as watch it with the special, god-given leaders shown in the video. It was so special to be in room full of influential people striving & successfully doing the work they set out to do. This kind of film being shown worldwide is so so encouraging to those of us who long to get the word out about this terrible crime being committed literally in our backyard. All the shows I have watched concerning Human Sex Trafficking have been filmed in far off in places such as Cambodia or Russia. What is particularly
special about this film is that it is based in my, as well as many of yours, home,..Atlanta, Georgia. Girls, my age and younger, are being sold for money, traded like baseball cards, & used in ways I cannot even fathom right down the interstate from me.. If that doesn't rattle you up, I do not know what will. These girls and boys could easily be you or your kids or your friends. I have heard countless people refer to these girls or boys as prostitutes, saying that they wanted to do this, so why bother? My answer is that no, no 14 year old girl signed up to be branded, beat, emotionally abused, and used by sometimes 40 men sexually a day. She didn't want that. So you ask why is this such a problem? What shocks me everytime is the why. My mind works in that way to where I want to understand the why behind the circumstance. The common theme you hear between the stories of these girls, as well as countless stories I have read online, is the lack of affirmation from family, peers, and themselves. I had to just thank God in that moment that I was blessed with being told through every stage of life that I was beautiful. ( thank your family if this is you as well, I did not realize how grateful I should be for love until I understood the amount of children who receive none ) It is hard to imagine someone being told they are not. My eyes have truly been opened & my heart broken to the fact such a mass amount of children grow up without being told how special, beautiful, and valuable they are. I read a verse this morning that was right on time. It is found in Isaiah chapter 1, verse 17 , " .. Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless.." wow, his word spoke. As you dig into these girls' stories, you realize that the desire to be loved is what the girls are after. The desire to feel protected is what the girls are after. The desire to feel special is what the girls are after. These men, sometimes women, who drag these girls into this terrible slavery, know this. They use these beautiful girls' vulnerability to get to them & once they are in.. it is nearly impossible to get out due to emotional, sexual, and physical attachments to these predators. In the film, you learn on a much more detailed perspective of this manipulation. So, you ask Kalyn, why are you saying all this? I say it because you sitting right there are beautiful. you sitting right there are special, smart, powerful, joyful, bright, important, amazing, loveable, and so so valuable. I remember going through the time when my family was torn. I felt lonely, I felt unworthy, I felt like God had forgotten me. So I turned to whatever made me feel good, which turned into a battle with lust in order to get attention & hear the words I wanted to hear.. " you're beautiful" " I want you " " You're so special." I know personally how easy it is to fall into that trap. I also realize the devil was after my soul. After my joy. But, mostly after my dependents on my God. Ladies, ( and gents) you are powerful. You are more than you can ever even imagine. You are bigger than what those girls at school said about you. You are not just an outcome of a parent being absent in your life. YOU have a Father, and his name is God. he loves you , he thinks you're the most beautiful thing on this planet.. after all, God made the amazing mountains, the blue skies, the incredibly vast ocean, but you, darling, are his most gorgeous, complex, and special creation. And once you realize this for yourself, go & spread it. Tell everyone you know how beautiful they are. As a young lady in the film explained, when Ms. Lisa ( the incredible founder of Living Waters for Girls ) greets me with a " hello beautiful" it changed her perspective of herself. she felt love. she felt cared for. She felt true hope. My challenge is  1. pray for these girls, pray for breakthrough, pray for the predators who do these terrible horrors to our girls, pray for the amazing, amazing team in Atlanta that fights day & night to combat trafficking, pray for the blessings of Living Waters & For Sarah to prosper 2. watch CNN's special report Tuesday night at 9 & share, share, share while using #endhumantrafficking 3. be a voice of influence, power, beauty, and justice.. I promise someday someone will thank you for doing so, it could save their life.
Thank you for reading :) God bless you ,
Kalyn
( feel free to share if you feel to do so :) ) 
More information : www.cnn.com/freedom 
www.cofl.com ( living waters for girls, Rachel's law ) 

When setting my table, will I be Mary or will I be Martha?

School, work, friends, guys, teachers, leaders, parents, family, homework, projects, exams, graduation.... it just goes on. Life is such a chaos majority of time. Either sibling games at the fields or driving to college every other day or to hanging clothes at the GAP.. it just seems I don't seem to catch a break. & when I do , I immediately just want to crawl in bed & snooze all day. See, life is busy. that is just the truth I have learned. Don't get me wrong, I am SO very thankful to God for the opportunities & people he has placed me with currently. God never promised we wouldn't feel  as if we could pull all of our hair out from the things piling up. As I grow older & continue to progress through the journey, things WILL continue happening. The stress will grow as I continue my education. As I work, the tasks will get greater & longer. Eventually, I will be on my own. ( scary I know ) It wont magically get easier. Recently I have felt like I don't have enough time to breathe much less actually be a productive human being when I am not actively somewhere else like school, church, or work. When I get home or am not "scheduled", I feel burned out. Irritated to say the least. Ya know when you feel like you are being targeted in all angles so youre the deer in headlights just kinda stunned to a stop in the road. yeah, I feel like that deer paralyzed by the headlights coming. The choice I am realizing is how I am going to deal with it. AM I going to let irriatation invade my heart like it has been ? Or am I going to put my priorities in the hands of my father in heaven? Tonight I really dug into the word more than I have in several weeks because I have gotten in the terrible habit as I said of just crashing when I get home. The thing is.. I feel SO much better after I read truth & have the living word of God flowing into my heart. In the she reads truth devo today, they took a look at Luke 10: 38-42. I LOVE THIS STORY & LESSON Jesus teaches in these few verses. 

 

 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. ³⁹ She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. ⁴⁰ But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

⁴¹ “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, ⁴² but few things are needed—or indeed only one.^[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

 

 

I am so Martha right now.. I am tossing through college flyers.. flying through hundreds of emails.. working like crazy.. homework piling up for finals.. I am trying to prepare my table as the she reads truth devo connected it to this story. I just want it planned & ready. I need it perfect so I can pursue my dream & passion.. which is for God. But.. I keep squeezing him out of it while I set the table. This really made me sit back & just say goodness this is Jesus speaking to my troubled busy soul right now.. QUIET. Kalyn, just sit before the Lord & listen. Listen to his word. Listen to his goodness & grace. Embrace yourself in his presence. Be more like Mary who sat at the Father's feet before she attempted to figure it all out. That's my prayer & foundation for this week, that I will make more time for God & put him FIRST before I try to have the feast all sorted out. Without God, I will never know what he wants & where he will lead me. The only way to my full purpose & calling in God's story is through the writer. Allow him to be the writer today before you run off to edit it. God's love will endure forever. His love & grace will not be taken away. He will never leave nor forsake us. Thank you for reading, hope this encouraged you in some way :)

Much love

Kalyn 

What does God say about me ?



Insecurity. That word, we all cringe over & about a thousand things start whizzing through our minds before someone even finishes the word. From physical flaws to personality issues. To words your loved ones said that completely crushed your heart to being rejected by a guy you thought was the sweetest guy on Earth. They stem from every direction. They intertwine, unfold, disappear, then come blazing in from another direction. The other night at our Impact ( my youth group ) Big Nite, we had a "panel" of very qualified, insightful adults & even some pretty incredible, gifted teenagers answer questions that students had submitted a few weeks ago. I always love this kinda service because it shows how the word is alive as it transforms through perspectives & situations. It also gives a look into the struggles of these teenagers. This Wednesday there was a theme I noticed.. it was insecurity. I know everyone has it, so I just sorta overlook it. I mean again, what can I do to fix it, it is just a part of life.. but see once more, boy was I wrong. So I take you to this picture above that you're probably wondering if I just wanted to show you for the fun of it.. but, it is a bit more than that. In this picture above, you probably noticed the beautiful background & my surroundings. Maybe you noticed my dress or my hair. Or teared up a little because it's my senior pictures which means graduation is getting immensely close. ( it seems unreal, you have permission to cry  ) .. Chances are you didn't notice the insecurity I felt in this moment. You can't see my struggle of feeling too large. You can't see my desperate plead of wishing my arms were a thousand times smaller. You can't see my glands flaring up because I am thinking about the acne that I just know is invading this photo. You can't see my hives I am almost positive I had because of the feeling of just not being good enough. You can't see my heart breaking from hurt & rejection I have felt & am feeling. Or the guilt I feel of my past. Or the worry that floods through my every thought. You just see a picture of a girl..  Now, lets be clear.. This is one of my favorite senior pictures ( done by the insanely gifted Missy Frank , Inframed Photography). So now, you think, ' Kalyn, you just said like six negative things about yourself that this picture brought up, but you say you love it?' yes, I may just be crazy .. but you'll hopefully understand after this blog is wrapped up... Back to the question at hand during Big nite.. it was " What does God say about insecurities?"
hmm so good question.. in my head, I was like well hello, he doesn't want us to be insecure but I am & that is just life & how it is going to be. ( I am a stubborn person my dear friends, not exactly in my favor typically) Well the answerer said the word.. Validation. Validation? What do you mean? I am validated.. . Now, you think " girl.. I am a teen, I am not barely validated to drive much less anything else".. but that's where yourself & I am so so wrong. We are validated as a daughter. That statement just.. feels my heart with such comfort. When I think of a daughter.. my mind automatically sees a daddy looking at his babygirl with such love & awe because my brain just does that. Some of you don't have that in a dad active in their lives & some have active dads ( or mom), just they fall short of this picture. The beautiful thing about Christ & what I have been really learning through the past few months is that picture in my head of a father with that look of absolute adoration for his daughter.. is my Father in heaven looking down on his daughter in which he loved so much he sent his son for.. that daughter is me. it is you. The past few days ( & few months.. this topic keeps occurring repeatedly in my life.. I think Jesus is trying to paint me a picture) I have really been looking at this picture. It is a beautiful picture, everyone I have shown has fallen in love with the simplicity of it. I have looked at this picture so many times, along with pictures for years thinking  about all the negative I can find. But, as one of the wise teens on the panel said.. ( I am paraphrasing bigtime) " I may not have confidence in myself all the time, but I do have confidence in who I am in Christ.. & that is a daughter" So perfect. Because the truth is my weight didn't go down.. my acne is still on my face, & my hurt is still an everyday thing.. but with my savior Jesus, he covers with love. When I see this picture, I feel confident now. Confident that I am the daughter of a king who is bigger then the comment in 6th grade bashing my arms. I am the daughter of a king who is greater then the rejection I feel of being alone. I am the daughter of a king who is mightier then any flaw the devil tries to use to bring me down to less then who my Father says I am. When I look in the mirror, I say straight back to the devil when I nit pick over my image , that I am fearfully & wonderfully made by my God who overcomes all. Nothing in all creation can separate the solidity & everlasting love my prince of peace has for me. Have a pep talk with yourself, declaring the Lord's love & promises over your beautiful soul. You are more than gorgeous in the eyes of the Lord of Lords. Take this world's judgement, & give me Jesus.

surrounded in the hurricane, taken by the waves

Close your eyes. forget where you are. Now picture a hurricane, but you're in the middle of the water. The ocean is swirling, the sound of the crashing as the waves meet accompanies the lighting striking down around you. Wind is howling through your hair. The sky is a dark mix of black & gray seeming to trap you in the storm, blocking you from what's ahead in the distance .The waves are closing in around you. every chance that you get a quick breath of salty air, another wave comes to knock you over again.  It drags you under, twists you & turns you under the water. You don't understand where you are, or how you got here. These waves used to be so beautiful, a few hours ago you were dipping your toes in to relax in the amazing creation of this vast ocean. The sky was sunny & blue as far as you could see. You were above the waves, staring out into the distance. Unmistakeningly giving praise to our mighty creator for his amazing painting. Now you are drowning.. you are wondering if you should fight to get above the waves to knowledge that you will get knocked under yet again or just simply let the wave take you on into the depths? This is where this blog began. This is where my strong walk began.. When I faced the difficulty of the storm. Many of you know what I am saying when I tell you my faith has been shaken like an earthquake throughout the last year & a half. I lost my grip on my purpose & honestly just the point of life. The troubles, worries, hurts & doubts just kept adding to one another. I didn't understand why God wasn't stepping in to save me. One day I was just crashing down, & my sweet leader was just listening to me cry in a mess of jumbled feelings & I was trying to explain to her how I felt.. the description I opened up with was what I said to her. That the waves were knocking me over, over & over everyday. I had been knocked over so many times. too many times .I felt as if I couldn't breathe anymore. I felt like just suffocating because the hurricane was taking me under with it. I often thought that it would be easier to choose option B then to continue with the fight leading me through the pain & confusion I felt. I questioned living at times, this was one of my darkest times . I remember it so vividly. The feeling of giving up. The feeling of I just cant take this hurt. This storm was too big for me to handle, & for some reason God wasn't stepping in. I felt that God had decided to just leave it on me because that was how I felt with this world. I didn't want to bother anyone because I know everyone has their problems & they don't need mine to add to it. I didn't wanna look weak because I knew I needed to be strong, but the thing is that I am not strong enough for my storm. That is the absolute truth. But good news is that through my times of worship, reading, & writing my praises I have fully realized that I am not alone, it is not just me. God knows me. He loves me. He knows my worries & troubles. He is God. Soon after this state of giving up, I read a scripture that speaks so perfectly to my heart.

 "He calmed the storm to a whisper and stilled the waves." psalm 107:29

This verse, just ahh I can not even explain to you the comfort it brings to me. He calmed my storm to a whisper. To a faintness. Yes, my storm may be there. It may hurt sometimes, but it is but a whisper. He speaks over my storm, over the waves. They are hushed. It is my favorite scripture in the Word that I have come across. It is in my bios, I have it written on my journals, written on mirrors, on notecards. It is my senior quote. I mean the spirit is wrapped up in this verse to me. The word is so alive , it speaks so differently to every situation. On Sunday, my Pastor talked about storms which was just the reminder I needed as I face more unpredictable storms. In Mark 4, Jesus calms yet another storm. I love this passage as Jesus shows his great power in such simplicity.

35As evening came, Jesus said to his disciples, “Let’s cross to the other side of the lake.” 36So they took Jesus in the boat and started out, leaving the crowds behind (although other boats followed). 37But soon a fierce storm came up. High waves were breaking into the boat, and it began to fill with water.

38Jesus was sleeping at the back of the boat with his head on a cushion. The disciples woke him up, shouting, “Teacher, don’t you care that we’re going to drown?”

39When Jesus woke up, he rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Silence! Be still!” Suddenly the wind stopped, and there was a great calm. 40Then he asked them, “Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?”

41The disciples were absolutely terrified. “Who is this man?” they asked each other. “Even the wind and waves obey him!”

 I ponder over Jesus' question , " DO YOU STILL HAVE NO FAITH?"  Kalyn, do you really have so little faith even after the many blessings I have given you & showed to you ? Waoh,, conviction right on the nose. Faith is believing in what you can't see. I can't see the end of the storm, but we need to have faith that he is at the end. It is like a dark tunnel through a mountain where you can see nothing , you don't see the light until you get to the end. Then you emerge into the beautiful creation & his light he so very much wants to give to you. The inevitable is that we live in a world of sin, we will have trouble. We without a doubt will have storms, but how will we handle the storm. will we let it drown us or will we call out to him to be with us to be a light to our path ? The song , " Oceans" , by Hillsong United just speaks this.

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours, and You are mine

Keep your eyes above the waves, the oceans will rise but our father in heaven sees the rainbow ahead. He uses storms, these faith testing hurricanes, to draw us closer to him. I am crazy bout some analogies & I often use this one when I feel like the tide is taking me under.

"The righteous shall flourish like the palm tree"
Pslams 92:12

 Palm trees make my heart happy, when I saw a palm tree I automactically was like oh my goodness how beautiful, now I am awe stricken by these masterpieces. God puts me in a sense of absolute speaklessness when he uses the most simple everyday things to show us his heart & purpose. His purpose is not to let me drown under the waves, he wants me to build up my strength & faith to be stronger.

 I learned this through our Pastor, flourishing like a palm tree. Palm trees are strategically placed in areas of strong potential of hurricanes, such as Florida. These trees are deep rooted in the ground , so they do not snap, they bend in the storm. Bending in the storm, can be seen as kneeling to God for his guidance through the wind & the rain. After these massive storms, typically these palm tree roots are stronger then ever because of their need to become deeper rooted. Being rooted in Jesus is what allows us the hope of getting up above these treacherous waves that seem to be against us. He is the light in the stomy skys that darken our sight. Lean in to Jesus, he will be with you through it all. Not for a second will he forsake you.

To succumb..

To succumb to the enormity of the problem

is to fail

the ONE

I am so excited to finally be sitting down & blogging about this past weekend. A whole lotta stuff has been settling in my heart & mind recently. SO this last Friday was the annual women's conference at my church. Hundreds & hundreds of women gathered to worship together, which I must add is such a crazy amazing experience ( join me next year because I am already pumped ). I have been looking forward to this event for months because uhmm hello, it's with my best girlfriends plus a whole lotta Jesus, worship, shopping, & sister love just a flowin in the atmosphere. But there is more... the speaker was Pastor Leigh Ramsey who is the founder of the SHE RESCUE HOUSE (http://sherescuehome.org/ ). This organization helps girls who have been trafficked, raped, sexually exploited, or at risk. MY heart nearly exploded as I realized she was going to be coming to speak. This woman inspires me with her bravery & passion for these girls being served such an injustice.. as one of my leaders texted me, she is ' My passion's CEO'. So needless to say, I couldn't walk my short little heeled boots any faster into that building Friday. Her message has really sat deeply on my heart more & more so as the days go on. I had already fallen in love with her ministry & spent hours & hours researching the cheapest way for me to fly to Cambodia to volunteer in anyway they would let me. Visiting the website constantly, I have seen the quote I opened up with. And I was like 'oh yes, that's perfect for this situation.' To succumb means "to yield to superior strength or force or overpowering appeal or desire." Hence, this quote all summed up is letting the overall size ( whether energy, numerical, stress level, time, etc.)  of your problem stop you from pursuing either speaking up or helping out. Human Sex Trafficking is an ENORMOUS problem that seems so unfixable that most just decide to not even bother trying. There is an estimated 27 million people enslaved right this second. That is insane to even fathom. Every 30 seconds someone is a victim of this trade of humans. It seems nearly impossible to even consider trying to help because at this rate you are one person trying to help 27 million people who are usually hidden in brothels or never given justice due to the severity of the problem & danger they are placed in, but what about the one? What about the one young 6 year old girl who has been repeatedly raped & sold for money for years who is OWNED by a man who could care less about her ?? What about the one young boy who is gang raped because he is sold by his parents in order to make a living for the household? What if Pastor Leigh hadn't of helped the ONE girl who needed help for her friend? What would have happened to that sweet innocent soul who was being sold in a brothel? chances are she would have been left for dead in the street whenever they were done with her.. Thank God she realized that just because she couldn't save them all.. she could save that one girl who was given a hope driven by a shot of bravery. what if YOU decided to help THE ONE? What if YOU decided to speak up for THE ONE? Over & over this quote has just pondered along in my mind & heart. I just keep repeating it over & over like a song I just cannot seem to get out of my head. It is what so many of us do. We let the enormity of the problem keep us from being brave enough to help who we can even if that may only be one. Brave.. when I think of brave I see a woman who doesn't let fear, doubt, circumstance, or doubt enter her heart nor her mind. She does what needs done even when she is unsure she will succeed. Pastor Leigh brought up Esther.. Esther had everything she could have ever wanted. I mean she was bling bling up in a castle. Then she was faced with a mega super problem.. now, (pause) who thinks she is (a) gonna continue eating the fancy foods & twirling her rubies, or (b) is Queen Esther gonna one up her problem ? I am just going to assume you choose choice b. YES, Esther shows bravery. She shows heart for her passion, heart for God's kingdom. she does not let the failure of what COULD happen stop her from DOING what she knows is God's plan. Sure, she probably was like 'man, I just don't know if I can actually do this because the problem seems so much bigger then me', but she didn't yield to the problem at hand, she busted right through it. ( Esther is the bomb).. but too often I choose the what could happen instead.. Is that not what so many of us do? We hide behind the problem.  We use it as an umbrella on a hot day to just shield us from the sun which is bright because we are scared it may burn us even though we have sunscreen on ( yes, I just used sunscreen & Jesus as metaphors ). We decide, that we would rather not have a hint of failure even if it means we change someone's life forever. Now, I realize not everyone's' passion is mine, so this is not geared just solely at the problem of trafficking. This is geared to what stops YOU from stepping out to make a change. When I was thinking bout all the different areas I let the enormity of my problem stop me, I immediately thought about my high school/ college. The situation of the ENORMOUS percentage of students who have decided Jesus is not a person they need & most don't really care if they know him at all. I see it all the time, everyday. The majority of the teenagers/adults I attend school with do not know Jesus as their lord & savior. They are intimidating. Now, you may have the mindset I originally did.... which is.. ' Well.. I mean, I love Jesus, I love church, I love ministry. I know God wants me to share what he has done in my life BUT nobody is going to listen to me anyways if I start being 'religious,' so I think I will just keep my mouth shut'' .. yep, that was me & to my teenage friends out there.. I feel you. It is easy to just turn our Jesus love lights on dim. but we so are not called to do that. I feel the fear of being made fun of or 'doing it wrong.'  Like if I show the joy or love Jesus gives me, I'll be walking around smiling all big & they will think I am out of my mind smiling to myself on a rainy monday. .. Or the fact jumps in my mind that chances are I will not reach every last person in my school. I feel like a failure of not being able to share the word of God 'good enough' to get everyone to Christ.. but what about THE ONE. What about the one person who gets a taste of living water? what about the one girl who is feeling abandoned & just needs the love of a heavenly father? or the one guy who is on the verge of suicide or substance abuse because he has no hope?.. but you decided to let the fact you may not be able to draw his friend to Christ , stop you from bringing him to Jesus who can & will spare his life?  ... the one. YOU can help THE ONE. Be brave.. brave enough share the life change Jesus did for you.  Don't keep it all for yourself, God gave us mouths to share his word. No matter what is spoken to you , even if someone says it is not worth it because you will never be the change for them all.. be the one who can say I, by God's lead, was the change of THE ONE. Afterall.. you were someone's.. the one.